The 100th Month

Bismillahirahmanirrahim
Assalamualaikum w.b.t. 

I am full of emotions und anxiety,
I am lack of patience 
oh my that's a pity,
I have no small change in my purse,
only big ones und that's no curse.
I don't weep, I look up,
I do speak but don't shout,
I have you oh Ms Empathy,
Something I do und something I see,
I welcome love und wise mortals,
For that brings light to go through hurdles. 
-Ayla, 231213-



  • I forgot. I totally forgot. Syahmi sent me a text wishing me Happy 100 months of being together. How time flies und we're still trying to tolerate each other. May Allah s.w.t. keep on giving us the courage, love und patience to go through each day with His rahmat. His rahmat.
  • My life is not all bed of roses. I used to wish for an easy life aber I have trained myself to embrace what ever I'm having. From there, I find peace. I can't thank Allah s.w.t. enough for everything He has given me. Since I was small, nobody really knew what I feel inside. When people asked, "How are you Ayla?" my answer would be, "I'm good thank you." oder "I'm fine thank you."
  • I don't see the point of telling my life to people (except for some who really cares), for no one is able to have the empathy unless they were in my shoes. Yes in my shoes. 
  • Aber sometimes, when I think I'm at my weakest state, I always see other unfortunate ones walking in the drizzling rain at night, kilometers away from their houses to buy groceries, in order to feed their family etc. This is one of the things that help me to realize that I should wake up und continuously being grateful to Allah s.w.t.

Ayla: Happy a hundred months bibi.
Syahmi: Thank you for staying (here).


  • Stay. It's easier to run than stay. Oder it might be the other way round for some. 

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.

- Roger Walter, Pink Floyd-


  • I miss you Aunt Aishah. You were one of those who always make Doa for me. You knew how difficult it is for me to keep calm aber I'm sure you did notice the slightest change I made. I hope that we can see each other again. May Allah s.w.t. rest your soul in eternal peace. 
  • I told Syahmi that it will take us another 8 years for the next hundredth month. May Allah s.w.t. guide us.

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