Crying vs Smiling

Assalamualaikum w.b.t. 

I realized that I have been extra emotional since a week ago. Aber only towards sad/melancholic movies oder events. Und had Adam smiling at me while I was busy shedding tears. Chit! 

I did tell him that whenever he sees someone else crying, do not smile or laugh. Aber I guess for now, he enjoys it more than having sympathy oder empathy. Huhu.
He's 3 months-old today!

  • I texted und called Syahmi almost every two hours on last Friday. I was coughing badly, had tried drinking this und that ie. home remedy aber nothing seemed to work. 
  • I was angry at myself for being so weak. Little that I know, Allah s.w.t. was giving me a chance to rest from daily chores, work und else. Aber I was determined that I still can do stuffs even when I'm sick. At the end of the day, I was wrong. 
  • At 6pm, I dragged myself into the bathroom und sat on my foldable black chair which I had put earlier on under the shower. I turned on the shower tap und let the slightly warm water rained all over my body. It was indeed so relaxing. 
  • I then grabbed a pair of paper scissors und used it to trimmed my hair. Continued enjoying the warm rain for about 25 minutes oder so. 
  • I was a new me by the time Syahmi came home. 
  • Since my coughing was still severe, Syahmi took me to a clinic near mama's. I got a cough syrup und pills for phlegm treatment. So I finally raised a white flag to home remedy this time. 
  • T_T
Home made cheese tarts. Finally! Licin ok. =D
  • The next morning, which is Saturday, I received a photo message from my mom. She whatsapped me a letter arwah aunty Aishah wrote to her. So I spent some time reading it aber that time, I literally cried like a little baby all by myself in my bedroom. 
  • She started of by giving Salam to mama und followed by this line, 
"When you read this I'm not around anymore but memories I had with you will cherished forever."   
  • That line just made me cried a liter of tears. 
  • To those of you who have been reading this blog, since years ago, I'm pretty sure that you know who arwah is. I'll say this again, she's just like a mother to me. 
  • Und after reading these next few lines, I guess ten liters of tears had came out already.
"I never had children and your children are my children. I love them dearly. You know every solat, I pray Ya Allah kurniakan SEGERA zuriat kpada Ayla & Syahmi. To me they are going to be great muslim parents."

  • She literally wrote segera in capitals. After reading it, I believe in myself more than before. The past two weeks were quite a challenge for me. I told Ilia about how afraid I am. I have so many flaws aber yet Allah s.w.t. is sending me a little one, an amanah for me und Syahmi. How should I nurture this baby? Allahumusta'an. 
  • Arwah was one of the nicest people I've known. She said good things about others und constantly smiling even when she was very ill. 
  • I'm a second child. When everyone was busy talking about second child syndrome, she never looked down on me und always gave me the courage to be better. 
  • She's the type who always smiles und only shed happy tears. 
  • I hope Allah s.w.t. sends her the good news. She didn't manage to see my home, my office, this future little one in dunya aber I really hope that we all can meet again in His paradise. 


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